


come back to california

by molliehenson



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Bobby mentioned - Freeform, Letters, M/M, Memories, One Shot, a little sad, inspired by how do you sleep by jesse mccartney and come back to california by hot chelle rae, junbob hinted at, really this fic is just about june missing dong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 16:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18183158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molliehenson/pseuds/molliehenson
Summary: Junhwe sits down to write a letter to Donghyuk, who he hasn't seen in a year.





	come back to california

**Author's Note:**

> this fic had been sitting in my google docs for literally two years. just decided to modify it and post it so here it is. cross posted on aff.
> 
>  
> 
> ps, previously titled "by the time you read this"

Junhwe sighed as he sat down at his desk with fresh new lined papers. His wooden chair creaked as he leaned forward to get in position. He took the cap off his pen and stared down at the blank sheets before writing.

 

_ Dear Donghyuk, _ he wrote. Then he sat up and rubbed his face.

 

Honestly, this was the hardest part. Knowing what to say. Junhwe didn’t know what to say, hence a million crumpled papers around his room with poorly written letters to Donghyuk that he’s never sent or even looked at again.

 

_ It’s been about a year now… I haven’t heard from you in a while. Just wondering about you. _

 

Junhwe crossed out that last line. He sounds pathetic. The man just went ahead and crumpled the paper into a ball and toss it behind him. He grabbed a new paper and began writing.

 

_ Dear Donghyuk, _ he wrote.

 

Junhwe shook his head and looked up. It doesn’t help that he was the one that left it off bad with Donghyuk in the first place. So he’s definitely the pathetic one when it comes to him writing this letter that it’s taken him months to write. He won’t admit that he’s sorry. But he’s come to terms that he’s most definitely the reason Donghyuk hasn’t talked to him since he’d left.

 

_ The beach is empty, and the skies are grey. Ever since you left me, there hasn’t been a sunny day. _

 

Okay, way too cheesy. Junhwe tore the paper in half and crumpled them together, and tossed them. He took out a new paper.

 

 _Hey, Donghyuk,_ he wrote.

 

Despite immediately cringing at his last letter that he just threw away, it was absolutely true. Junhwe feels like the southern Californian sun stopped shining. Like Donghyuk was the sun. Junhwe mindlessly drew a little picture of Donghyuk, pencil sunrays coming out of the figures’ head. He smiled, staring down at it. He’d never show that to Donghyuk. He only stared at it a minute more and pushed it to the side before staring at a blank lined paper.

 

He put his pen down on the paper. _Dear Donghyuk,_ he wrote. _It’s a funny story. I was the one who took your shirt._ Surely Donghyuk would’ve forgotten about that one by now, Junhwe thought, with a small grin playing his lips. _I hid it from you so that I could keep it for myself since you took everything else of yours._ Junhwe’s smile disappeared, the memory not as fond as it seemed. He continued to write. _I’ve tried my best to move on. I can’t._

 

He sounds pathetic again. Junhwe crumpled the paper into a ball and pulled a new sheet of paper towards him.  _ Hey Donghyuk, _ he wrote.  _ My friends keep asking about you. I guess I’ve been wondering about you too. _

 

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why is this so hard to write! Junhwe angrily pushed all his things off his desk. Then he rubbed his face. God, he wouldn’t have to be doing this if it weren’t for him. Junhwe leaned back in the wooden chair, and put his hands on his head, closing his eyes, as he thought back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Have you seen my white shirt with the black writing on the side?” Donghyuk stood in the doorway to Junhwe’s room. “I looked for it in my room, but I can’t seem to find it. I need it to finish my packing!”

 

Junhwe looked up from the television. “Why don’t you look better?” he narrowed his eyes at Donghyuk with a menacing look.

 

Donghyuk balled his hands into fists, not saying another word, and leaving. Junhwe rolled his eyes and got back to the show he was watching.

 

Junhwe knows he was being horrible to Donghyuk for no reason. He beats himself up everyday for acting like that to him. He remembers about that night when Donghyuk finally said something about it. Junhwe was at the kitchen table and Donghyuk was making some food for himself. The kitchen window was open to follow to the humid summer breeze, but night had fallen, so the sky was black.

 

“What’s your problem?” Donghyuk asked, suddenly. “You won’t talk to me. And when you do, it’s nothing very nice.”

 

“You’re my problem, Donghyuk,” Junhwe said grumpily.

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 

Junhwe finally looked up at Donghyuk, who was leaning against the counter with a frustrated expression. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me to move thousands of miles away for god knows how long!”

 

Donghyuk visibly inhaled. His mouth twitched. “I cannot  _ believe _ you’d put this off on me. You know I’ve been wanting this. And when I finally get my dream, you are  _ so _ unsupportive.” he said. “You’ve know about me moving for months!” he shouted.

 

“Yeah, well you’ve know exactly how I’ve felt about you for  _ years.” _ Junhwe replied.

 

Donghyuk seemed taken back. “Is… is this what this is about?” he asked quietly. “I thought we agreed that we were putting our dreams before each other.” 

 

They did agree. The two agreed years ago when they had met at community college and fell in love, that they’d put themselves before each other’s relationship. Junhwe had plans of being a big time writer and poet while Donghyuk had plans of being a professional dancer. They were big dreams, huh? They didn’t want love to hold them back. This is the reason they only remained friends, and never engaged in a romantic relationship, despite their mutual confessing to each other.

 

“Things change.” Junhwe said. “And now I hate you for leaving me.”

 

Donghyuk stomped one foot angrly. His mouth quivered again. “You--you are so selfish, June,” then he stomped off out of the kitchen and down the hall. Junhwe heard Donghyuk’s bedroom door slam, making him wince.

 

Later, Junhwe turned off all the lights in the house. He passed by Donghyuk’s room, which was silent. He just went to his own room and went to bed for the night.

 

He couldn’t fall asleep. He stared up at the black ceiling, or he turned over to face the window. He was so horrible for acting the way that he did. And on the last night that his friend was here.

 

The door creaked open. There was shuffling, and the bed dipped down under the weight of someone new. Junhwe scooted just slightly as Donghyuk lied down and wrapped his arms around him.

 

There was silence. Junhwe continued to stare at the darkness, and Donghyuk was just laying on his side, with his face pushed to Junhwe’s chest. Neither could sleep. They just lied still in those little hours they had together, in silence.

 

Junhwe had a million things to say. He had mean things to say and he had begs and pleads to try and make Donghyuk stay, even though he knows it was too late. It was too late. So he didn’t even bother. His mind scrambled, and his eyes pricked with tears. He blinked those away as he heard a sigh come from Donghyuk.

 

Donghyuk turned over to look at the alarm clock next to the bed.

 

“I gotta be at the airport in an hour,” he commented, quietly. He pushed himself off Junhwe’s bed and stood up. “Aren’t you gonna come drop me off?”

 

There was a small pause. “No,”

 

Junhwe felt bad, because he did want to help his friend with his luggage and make sure he got on the right plane to Korea. But he was so hurt. He thought that it was better this way.

 

Donghyuk held the door open. “So this is where I leave you then?” he asked. Junhwe could only see the whites of his glassy eyes.

 

“Now you know how I feel,”

 

There was a sniff. Junhwe turned towards the window so he could ignore Donghyuk crying.

 

“You’re not going to even say goodbye?”

 

“No,”

 

There was a shuffle, and the door shut quietly. Junhwe blinked as he heard a few struggles out in the hallway. The front door of the home shut. That shut made Junhwe’s heart tear into pieces. He heard the cab zoom off into the dark early morning.

 

Junhwe reached under his pillow and pulled out a white shirt with black writing. He turned onto his side, and buried his face into it as he started sobbing. It smelled like Donghyuk. And it overwhelmed Junhwe. Someone just walked out of his life, and he let that person.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junhwe opened his eyes and looked over at his open closet. The shirt was still there. Some nights, Junhwe can’t sleep without that shirt. Some nights he sleeps with his new roommate so that he didn’t have to think about the shirt.

 

The man picked up his pens and blank papers and set them gently onto the table. _Dear Donghyuk,_ he began to write. _How do you sleep?_

 

_ Do you sleep well? I don’t. I haven’t been able to sleep properly since you left. Tell me that you can’t sleep because you’re thinking of me too. _

 

Junhwe crossed out the last sentence, and just crumpled the paper. He threw it, and grabbed a new paper. He looked at the clock. He’d been sitting there for hours. Just like he had been last night and the night before. And literally a lot of the nights for the past couple of months. He hated the feeling so much.

 

_ Donghyuk, _ he wrote.

 

_ I’m sorry, okay? I’m really, really sorry. Please come back to California _ .

 

_ Dear Donghyuk _ _ , _ he wrote.

 

_ I’m just trying to say I miss you. _

 

He looked down at his writing for a bit. Then he was startled by the phone ringing from the living room. Junhwe sighed.

 

“Bobby, can you get that?” he shouted. There was no answer. Bobby probably wasn’t home from school yet despite how late it was. He’s always in the library studying.

 

Junhwe got up from his chair and went to his door and opened it, the ringing phone more loud and prominent this time. He went up to it and took it off the hook.

 

His heart immediately stopped, as his eyes watered.

 

“Donghyuk?”

 


End file.
